Fat = Failure

This is where I stand... I believe that I am a failure because I'm fat. All the things I accomplish every day/week/year are measured against the fact that I am still fat. I don't measure up in my own eyes and if I stay fat, I feel like I never will.

My daughter said she loved me today and in response I teased, "You really love me?" and she said, "Why wouldn't I?" This little girl loves me no matter what. She rubs my belly, plays with my underarm fat and showers my face with kisses. She calls me beautiful. God bless her, but I can't see it. I pray one day that I can.

Quitter, Part 2

I quit Oasis today. I was too exhausted to go this morning and this afternoon I made the decision that I needed to drop this from my schedule. My husband and my children need to move to the front of the line. I can't keep doing so many things that I'm too tired to function.

The phrase of the week is "Reorient Priorities".

Quitter...

I'm struggling with following through. I have ideas and intentions that would make you and I so proud, but I have a hard time following through. As you'll notice, I posted for 4 months in 2010 and then once this year. There are so many reasons I could give you for why I stopped, but reality is, I'm a quitter.

Right about now is where I'd normally think of quitting this post. Today, I'm going to soldier on to the finish line. I am going to work on my personal perseverance. I'm going to work on setting reasonable and manageable goals for myself and celebrating like hell when I succeed. I see a sticker chart in my future. :)

Never Give Up

I started this blog last January. I abruptly stopped posting in April. I was scared of exposing myself too much. Afraid of people reading and talking to me about what I wrote. I was just plain scared.

Well, here's to stepping out on a limb again.

Years go by and it feels like dreams slip away faster and faster. When I think about where I would be at this time in my life, it doesn't seem like I would be here. So often I have hidden my head in the sand and hoped it would get better. It's like I'm waiting for a pill I can swallow and I can wake up in Wonderland and my life has been miraculously healed. I'm tired, lazy and unorganized. I'm floating on life, letting it carry me away.

I want to develop the strength to plant my feet in the ground and fight. Fight for my life.

What is my passion???

Some of my friends and family are truly pursuing their passions. Starting businesses, going back to school, writing novels. I have to admit that I'm terribly jealous. Not of what they're doing specifically, just that they KNOW what their passion is and are willing to do the hard work.

My struggle since I was young was not being sure of what I wanted to do with my life.  I felt like I got a reprieve when I got married and had children. It was like that part of me could be put on hold while I raised my family. But now, I'm done having kids and my last child is now a toddler. I feel like I need to really start investigating my passions.

For My Husband

I'm trying to be intentional in alot of areas of my life this year. Some have been easy, others have been an ongoing struggle. One area of my life that I've really been neglecting is my relationship with my husband.

It's been pretty easy to put my relationship on the back burner. I'm a mom to four active kids. I am responsible for the upkeep of our home and finances. I'm heavily involved in our church. I have an active social circle. I kept telling myself that none of those things are bad things. And that may be true, but I put all those things ahead of nurturing and growing my relationship with my husband.


I can't do that anymore. My husband is important to me. His mental and spiritual health are important to me. I am committing to putting him back on my priority list. I am committing to praying for him and over him daily. He's going through some tough inner battles and he needs me to be supportive. We still may not spend every single evening together, but I am going to make sure that the time we spend together is quality time and that I give him my time and energy (not just what's left over) and show him my love and dedication.

I really do love that man...

God's Word Over My Children

There is a wonderful godly woman at my Tuesday morning Bible study that prays Bible verses over her children daily, sometimes more than once a day. The verses she uses are so powerful and I thought I would share them with you.

My children fear the Lord, and keep all of His statutes and His commandments. They love the Lord their God with all their mind, heart, their entire being and with all their might. (Deuteronomy 6:2,5)

My children are the head and not the tail, and they shall be above only, and they shall not be beneath... because they heed the commandments of the Lord their God and are watchful to do them. (Deuteronomy 28:13)

My children choose life and blessing. They love the Lord, obey His voice, and cling to Him, for He is their life and the length of their days. (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

My children make right choices according to the word of God. (Isaiah 54:13)

as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are my children in the hands of the Lord. (Jeremiah 18:6)

All of my children have Christian friends, and God has set aside a Christian wife for Micah and Asher and a Christian husband for Elizabeth and Olivia. (1 Corinthians. 15:33)

My children walk & live in the Holy Spirit, and are responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit. (Galations 5:16)

My children have the Spirit of wisdom and revelation... of insight into mysteries and secrets in the deep & intimate knowledge of God. Their eyes have been flooded with light, so that they can know & understand the hope to which God has called them, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints. (Ephesians 1:17-18)

My children obey me in the Lord, for this is right. They honor Mommy & Daddy which is the 1st commandment with a promise - that it may go well with them, and that they may enjoy long life on the earth. (Ephesians. 6:1-3)

My children do all things without grumbling, faultfinding, complaining, questioning & doubting. (Philippians. 2:14)

My children love to pray & study the word. (2 Timothy 2:15)

My children have a teachable spirit. (Proverbs 14:16)

My children have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)

My children can do all things through Christ who strengthens them. (Philippians 4:13)

I am going to print this out and try to pray these verses over my children daily. This is a good way for me to help build the armor of Christ around my dear little ones.